F I R S TP R E V865NEXTLAST

Uncovering the Top Secret Gemstone File
Everyone loves a good conspiracy story and since it's a boring Monday I thought I'd bring out the biggest conspiracy story of them all, the Gemstone File. It all begins in the Yong San Lounge, a dive bar that back in the 1960s was known as the Drift Inn. It was here that the 1,000-page Gemstone File was written by gemologist Bruce Roberts, the creator of the synthetic ruby used in laser technology.

In the Gemstone File Roberts revealed that in 1960 the Hughes Corporation stole his rubies for laser weapons research. His investigation into the theft uncovered a massive government-suppressed secret history of the United States involving the CIA, the FBI, both Kennedy assassinations, Richard Nixon, and Watergate.

Highlights of the Gemstone File indicate that J. Edgar Hoover, LBJ, and Senator Estes Kefauver were all poisoned by apple pies, the Mafia abducted Howard Hughes and replaced him with a double, and that G. Gordon Liddy planned the Watergate break-in here at the Drift Inn.

Throughout the 1970s Roberts continued to spout his theories from a barstool at the Drift Inn and while his claim that the bar had been electronically bugged by both Chinese and the Arab spy agencies might not be true, it is true that the FBI would often send agents into the bar to listen to him rant.

While this all sounds pretty outlandish, there are many who swear by the document. The Gemstone File and its 24-page skeleton key is still widly distributed among conspiracy theorists. My investigation uncovered only that the Yong San Lounge has a Friday night buffet of fried chicken and deviled eggs... oh, and the bartender is a covert North Korean spy.


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